The Greatest Store Around?

If you take a stroll down Easton Road, you’ll find a variety of shops and restaurants. There’s an ice cream parlor, half a dozen thrift stores, Jasmine’s Asian Bistro, and Humphrey’s Pest Control, to serve all your creepy-crawly needs. But there is one shopping destination that is clearly the greatest of them all: Dollar Global Food Mart.

Outside of Dollar Global Food Mart in Glenside, PA

An outside view of the hidden gem.

This hidden wonder, open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.. is located less than a 10-minute walk from campus at 271 S Easton Road. It holds nearly every item a college student could possibly want: ramen, boxes of anchovies, strange foreign sodas, floral printed shower caps. Almost an entire aisle is devoted to aluminum pans of every shape and size. Yet another aisle solely devoted to shelves of toilet paper and paper towels.

The true value of Dollar Global Food Mart lies not in any of these spectacular products, but in its entertainment value—and no, I’m not talking about the DVD section.

Single-serve bags of chips are displayed in greasy cardboard boxes for all of your snacking needs. But if you’re looking to fill up your freezer…well, look again. The selection is a tad skimpy on that front. By that, I mean the entire cold section is empty. Sorry, no milk here.

On the more feminine side, Dollar Global Food Mart is stocked with different shades of hair dye (at least the boxes are different shades). The dye inside is all supposedly the same platinum blonde despite the varied packaging.

If you’re looking for that perfect accessory for your next big night out, you can find hoop earrings the size of bracelets or checkered headbands that will take you straight back to 4th grade. And don’t worry, gentlemen there’s a wide selection of lovely paisley printed ties for you.

ATM machine inside a convenience store.

Your parents’ ATM.

The true value of Dollar Global Food Mart lies not in any of these spectacular products, but in its entertainment value—and no, I’m not talking about the DVD section (it sells “blockbusters” so obscure that none of your friends will have heard of them). While it may not be the best option for grocery shopping, Dollar Global Food Mart will provide plenty of laughs. Just spend some time perusing the shelves—you never know what you’ll find. It could be an unpriced baseball cap rung up as two packs of gum, a paper tablecloth with lambs printed around the edges, or even a question-mark-shaped candle. Gloriously random.

Oh, and don’t worry. If you’re short on cash, Dollar Global Food Mart can help with its ultra-modern ATM. At least, it was ultra-modern 20 years ago.

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